P4

Recordings to table script reading

Link: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1NLMmPr-pNQOc4ZfOfmWcnDJo9seQyezv

Script feedback

Joe's evaluation

 Joe's Script feedback evaluation

Overall the feedback that I have4 received has been helpful in improving my script for the better including the multiple spelling and punctuation mistakes that I have continued to make throughout my script. Joe has also made comment about me detailing the locations that the characters are introduced and adding a bit more backstory to some of the secondary characters. Joe has also mentioned the overly added character parentheticals to the dialogue, meaning that I need to remove some and use punctuation to try and convey how the character says it. Overall the feedback was very helpful and has helped me to improve my scripts quality.

Bens evaluation

Bens feedback Evaluation

Ben started by saying that I should break up the first couple bits of Emily's dialogue, overall spread it out and not making it so compact. Ben then suggests that should add commas to the dialogue as a suggestion to break it up or I could break it up literally by making smaller sentences. He then goes on to say that although a few fun stops were missing most of it was fine in terms of punctuation. Ben then also goes on to say that I included too many camera actions which he said may have taken up almost half the script, so some of the camera shots could be shortened or removed. He also says that I should stop putting so much Emily dialogue into the script as she is making up most of it.

PLANNED CHANGES

when I start writing my script I will make sure to add commas to break up the text and to also not give Emily as much dialogue as she already has. Ben also mentioned to shorten and get rid a lot of the unessacery camera shots that I have included in my script. I could also give some of the secondary characters more backstory and an insight into what characters are like and what their traits could be. 

Second draft